Check (it) Out at M&S

Have been urged to blog last night's ultra bizarre conversation I had with a checkout girl at my local M&S. All I can say is, that I haven't been so embarrassed by a woman like this for a very long time...perhaps since childhood even...! %-)

As I'm paying for my goods (x1 bottle of mulled wine, some black seedless grapes, some cherries and a chocolate pudding desert), this very friendly young lady serving me at the checkout says:

Checkout girl - That looks like a lonely meal...

Bootross - No..I'm actually cooking for someone tonight...

Checkout girl - Are you cooking for your boyfriend?!"

Bootross - !!! (Totally dumbfounded) Do I really look like a f*****g gay lord to you!? (getting adj now)

Checkout girl - You look like you take care of yourself...and well, I do have a jumper similar to yours

Bootross - ...!!! (Eminating dagger stares...feeling increasingly vulnerable/uncomfortable)

Checkout lady - So who are you cooking for?

Bootross - A hot brazilian GIRL...

Checkout lady - Are you trying to get laid tonight?

Bootross - Er....(turning purple)...I should be so lucky (splutter), but at my age...i just don't care so much anymore (total lie)

Checkout lady - I know....

Bootross - hmm....(confused expression)

Checkout girl - Yeah my last boyfriend always cooked for me when he wanted to get laid

Bootross - !! charming...

Checkout girl - yeah, but my last boyfriend could only last for 30 minutes...

Bootross - ....(almost totally lost for words) Poor you! Does that include foreplay n'all? gee...

Checkout girl - pretty much

Bootross - Tell him to down some zinc citrate (Eddie B's favourite) or Peter North's 'Luchaio Ling Chi'

Checkout girl - Wow, woz that? Sounds scary!

Bootross - It is, but never mind...

Checkout lady - I'm doing my 'A' levels you know?

Bootross - Do you like your 'A' Levels then?...(snigger)

Checkout lady - yeah...I don't mind them really....

Bootross - 'A' levels today are not nearly as hard to get as they were in my time...(more fnar sniggering)

Checkout girl - Yeah...my last boyfriend was 38...how old are you then?

Bootross - 32 (almost spluttering with embarrassment)...so I guess you like older guys then eh?

Checkout girl - nodding whilst twirling her hair...yes of course...you have a lot better experience! ;-)

Bootross - !!! (more back foot leaning) well...er...

Checkout girl - I need to find a man that can keep up with me...

Bootross - Well...er...so how much for everything?

Checkout girl - £18.72 fank-u

Bootross - Er...nice talking to you..."I hope it all works out for you and the 'A' levels'

Checkout girl - Hope you get laid tonight...

G AM E O V E R ...