The last picture taken before you join the Darwin Awards club

Monkey business

Gibbon Heaven - how chilled does he look? All he needs is a bud in his other hand...



















Monkey hitchhiking - A giant brazilian rat (Capibara) carrying a baby gibbon

The Return of the Russians...
















































Remarkable how the above planes (and all the new US stealth planes) all ended up looking like The Firefox plane from the classic Clint Eastwood film

New ways to add yourself to the Darwin Awards list this christmas :-)

Yes, let's just distract drivers even more whilst they overtake trucks at 130mph on the autobahns of germany

Check (it) Out at M&S

Have been urged to blog last night's ultra bizarre conversation I had with a checkout girl at my local M&S. All I can say is, that I haven't been so embarrassed by a woman like this for a very long time...perhaps since childhood even...! %-)

As I'm paying for my goods (x1 bottle of mulled wine, some black seedless grapes, some cherries and a chocolate pudding desert), this very friendly young lady serving me at the checkout says:

Checkout girl - That looks like a lonely meal...

Bootross - No..I'm actually cooking for someone tonight...

Checkout girl - Are you cooking for your boyfriend?!"

Bootross - !!! (Totally dumbfounded) Do I really look like a f*****g gay lord to you!? (getting adj now)

Checkout girl - You look like you take care of yourself...and well, I do have a jumper similar to yours

Bootross - ...!!! (Eminating dagger stares...feeling increasingly vulnerable/uncomfortable)

Checkout lady - So who are you cooking for?

Bootross - A hot brazilian GIRL...

Checkout lady - Are you trying to get laid tonight?

Bootross - Er....(turning purple)...I should be so lucky (splutter), but at my age...i just don't care so much anymore (total lie)

Checkout lady - I know....

Bootross - hmm....(confused expression)

Checkout girl - Yeah my last boyfriend always cooked for me when he wanted to get laid

Bootross - !! charming...

Checkout girl - yeah, but my last boyfriend could only last for 30 minutes...

Bootross - ....(almost totally lost for words) Poor you! Does that include foreplay n'all? gee...

Checkout girl - pretty much

Bootross - Tell him to down some zinc citrate (Eddie B's favourite) or Peter North's 'Luchaio Ling Chi'

Checkout girl - Wow, woz that? Sounds scary!

Bootross - It is, but never mind...

Checkout lady - I'm doing my 'A' levels you know?

Bootross - Do you like your 'A' Levels then?...(snigger)

Checkout lady - yeah...I don't mind them really....

Bootross - 'A' levels today are not nearly as hard to get as they were in my time...(more fnar sniggering)

Checkout girl - Yeah...my last boyfriend was 38...how old are you then?

Bootross - 32 (almost spluttering with embarrassment)...so I guess you like older guys then eh?

Checkout girl - nodding whilst twirling her hair...yes of course...you have a lot better experience! ;-)

Bootross - !!! (more back foot leaning) well...er...

Checkout girl - I need to find a man that can keep up with me...

Bootross - Well...er...so how much for everything?

Checkout girl - £18.72 fank-u

Bootross - Er...nice talking to you..."I hope it all works out for you and the 'A' levels'

Checkout girl - Hope you get laid tonight...

G AM E O V E R ...

How not to behave when meeting the potential in-laws...

This post is purely dedicated to an email I received this morning from my very dear friend Dillon

"I think i have excelled myself...

Saturday night supper at Katherine's (dads b'day) - about 14 of us - sisters and brothers / wives etc...it all goes quiet, and I go to sneeze, so I squeeze my nose so as not to make any noise...anyway instead of that happening, I do a HUGE fart - one the loudest ever - and almost died!!! I straight away blamed in on her sister - luckily every one found it quite amusing - never been so embarrassed in my life!"

We love you Dillon!!!!!!!! Big up your sphincter!!!

Barcel'O'na!

I love this town!...just wanted to thank my increasingly omnipresent and popular Dj friend Mr James Hyman for inviting me (yet again) to hang with him (remora style) in Barcelona whilst he ripped up the dance floor (and eardrums) of 2000+ mad Catalonian's in Barcelona's most rinsing large club called Razzmatazz. (6000 capacity!!). I must also thank club hosts Javier, Christian, Patricia, Lucia & Christina for their most gracious and generous hospitality throughout our stay.

However, It would'nt be right to finish this post without also mentioning new yorks DJ Spencer - for his Mexico City inspired dinner table stories about sampling the coconut, strawberry and lemon flavoured bootross - that had us all in hysterics. Keep that snow blizzard going strong Spence! Big up your Schnaaaaarfing schennanigans!

Enjoy the pics...Bootross over! Love that Citayyyyyyyyyyy!

Amster-Damage

Just wanted to say big-up! and thank you to my dear friend GB's cousin Thomas H for deciding to finally get hitched...which enabled us all to get pretty ~hitched~ in amsterdam not long ago. Sorry for the delay in writing, its just that new blogger formatt change has messed my ability to clearly see what im doing...hence me shying away from it all for a while.

Enjoy the chronologically rinsed pictures...